Navigating the daily grind of office life is no easy feat. Between having to deal with work politics, constant (but not always necessary) meetings and petty colleagues, it’s hard not to feel like you’ve been dropped into a boxing ring armed with nothing but your wits. And while we’re not discounting the fact that men also experience their fair share of grievances in the office, it’s much harder if you’re a woman. I recently read an article in Bustle in which hepeating, a new term that describes the act in which an ignored idea pitched by a woman is praised and accepted when it’s repeated by a man, emerged. The term hit home with a lot of women. From mansplaining and being constantly interrupted, to comments about what we’re wearing and dealing with underhanded jibes about our qualifications, hepeating is just another notch on the list of workplace sexism and microaggressions women have to deal with on a constant basis. And the biggest problem here is that no matter how overt or subtle it is, many of us feel that we can’t address the issue because society has always dictated that we act demurely as women whose demeanors should be rooted in being quiet and complacent – particularly in workplace environments.
In many cases, job security is on the line – particularly in toxic work environments that actively refuse to be inclusive in terms of equal opportunities and assigned roles. Not only that when some women do speak up, they ’re also often gaslighted and made to question whether their experiences are actually real or valid, which makes this in itself an additional microaggression to deal with on top of everything else. From invasive questions about when you’re planning to be a mother and how it will affect your job performance to being tone policed when expressing an opinion and then being asked if “it’s that time of the month”, these remarks and questions are designed to make us question our worth.
Unfortunately, it can be even worse when you’re a person of colour. For example, when someone is “surprised” that you’re so eloquent and articulate. Or assuming that someone is the tea lady or cleaner when they are a Professor (Note, there is absolutely nothing wrong with these jobs, but there is something wrong when there are gender and racial bias attached to them). The problem with these little jibes is that they aren’t going to go away any time soon, but the more we address the issue the more we become aware of the fact and as such can call people out on their behaviour.
Here are a few examples,
For example: In response to people being surprised that you as a black person can speak “so well”, you should ask why they’re surprised.
Turn the tables on them by asking them what makes you so different that they’re surprised about your eloquence and take it a step further by questioning them about whether or not they speak any other languages fluently.
Another example,
The never-satisfied manager who uses dismissive and condescending tactics towards you… Schedule an information-gathering meeting.
Beware of such managers, they like to manage in the grey and continuously move the goal line so that they never have to truly value your work. You must manage up and hold them to task by asking them to be specific.
Here’s what you might say,
“I’d like to understand from you what success looks like on your team. Can you give me specific examples of what I need to do to be successful and receive recognition?”
In this question, you are asking what it takes for you to be seen and no longer invisible in his or her eyes. If he or she beats around the bush, ask them to describe someone on the team they see as successful and ask them to explain exactly why that’s the case.
You might not think that things like this matter if it’s never happened to you but it does. It’s the difference between being happy at work and constantly feeling like you’re a placeholder whose well-being at work doesn’t matter.
Here are some workplace experiences from my friends:
The worst example for me is when you try to resolve a problem etc. and you are told it is all in your head or you are imagining the problem (AKA gaslighting). You actually get blamed for saying your feelings or have some mental health explanation thrown at you.
Staring. For the most part, I dress in very bright colours. Because of this, I am often scanned from top to bottom a comment ‘I wouldn’t wear that? Shockingly enough, in this case, I also experience discrimination from some of the women here who do this. I can't tell you how annoying it makes me feel. Why should it be an issue and what has it got to do with work?
Human interaction: Some people treat you like they treat everyone else, but others will turn their backs on you and or refuse to greet you when you greet them. Some if they do respond at all, they mumble and just when you think they are having a bad day, they laugh and chat with another team member!
Social interaction: Social functions at work are supposed to be events for people at work to mix and mingle. Nothing is more awkward when people purposefully push you aside or ignore you. Some will choose not to comment on whatever you are saying but when another colleague opens their mouth, they get excited.
What a piece of work man is. (William Shakespeare)
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